Here we go again..

Tonight, like many nights, I got on facebook for the millionth time to read the very first post on my feed. "RIP Green.." I was stunned, shocked, flabbergasted; how could this be, why another one? It's not even February yet and we already have a death of a "young" person. It never matters to me how they died, be it car accident, overdose, suicide, murder, I don't care, it still stuns me every time. My heart breaks, not only for them, but for their families and loved ones alike.

After hearing this news, I ran to the one person that I have found lately to be my confidant. I should have known better. He was a cop, so to me that means he has no feelings about things like this whatsoever. Stereotype, yes, but it still holds true. (They beat those things out of you when you're in the academy anyway.) What he continued to tell me stunned me, but that just may be from my raging hormones right now.

I was told tonight that the only reason that all these deaths affects our town, myself included, is because we are a SMALL town. I don't know about the rest of you, but that really pissed me off. Yes, we are a small town, I do understand that, but to say that's why they affect us is crap. If I were to have lived in a larger city my whole life, I would still know the same amount of people as I do now. So, if the same amount of people I know had died while I lived in that big city, I would still know the same amount of people who have died.

I got to thinking about it too, because there have also been people who had died who I didn't know, I didn't really mourn their death, I was just around for friends who needed comforting. So, is that what a "big city" feels like. Hearing about deaths but not caring? I mean, we do care when we hear someone dies, or at least I do. So I don't understand what living in a small town has to do with anything.
While showering, I started to think about all the people in the last 5 years that I have known that have died. I won't post names out of respect for those who have passed and their families. There was one classmate of mine, that I graduated with. There were two from the class above me, not including the one from the fire. A fire killed 10; which should be 11 since the trauma made the one survivor miscarriage. We had a car accident kill 3. We had a mother die in front of her kids. Two people murdered. A murder of two kids and the suicide of the murderer. Three suicides. One unknown. That is just off the top of my head; I'm sure if I got to thinking, I could think of more. That number, which is 27, is RIDICULOUS. That number should NEVER happen.. Ever. Small town or not. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. After thinking and adding that number up, I have no other words.

Just think about that. Then tell me Brockway isn't a black cloud.

It's a revolution..

Have you seen that phone commercial, the one with the kids? I believe the company is AT&T. The commercial I want to bring to your attention is the one where the guy asks the kids if it is better to be more or less reliable, and the cute little kid says that it's better to be more reliable so you can keep your New Year's revolution (here is a link to the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5Ifd4j81OM). I can't be the only one that when I hear the word revolution I automatically think of "The Beatle's"... Or am I? Anyway, not the point. While you may laugh and find that funny, maybe he isn't wrong. So I decided dictionary.com the word, and this is what I found: "a sudden, complete or marked change in something." That's exactly what New Year's resolutions are. They come one day a year, and then last for however long and then, more than likely, disappear. It is a sudden change in our lives because it goes from December 31st to January 1st. 

Lately, I have watched status after status of what people are going to do this "new" year. Lose weight. Stop being so harsh on themselves. This and that. Whatever be the case, why do we wait until December 31st to change our ways? Why is it that that one day is so important to us? Why is that day when we choose to change? Granted, I am guilty and I wait until the new year to change my ways as well, but why? 

Not only have I read the statuses, but now I am seeing blog posts of people who are so upset about their lives. The first blog I read what a girl talking about what to do before getting married at 23. Then, some whiney girl wrote a post back saying what to do when you're married before 23. Okay, we get it. You were mad, but to go off and say that she was just heart broken when she wrote that, is taking it a bit too far. How do you know what she is and isn't?.. Also, I think you read WAYYY too into what she said to do. Basically, when I read what she said to do, it sounded like she wanted you to live your life, not be tied down to someone. I'm sure it would be nice to work out with your significant other, or to travel the world with him as well. But how can you learn who YOU are if you are being followed by the person you will spend the rest of your life with? I mean, good for you, I guess you know who you are and what you want to do, but maybe she doesn't.. And maybe some of the rest of us don't know either! So who are you to judge what she is saying to do? She didn't attack you individually; marriage isn't for her, but it is for you, no need to be a hard ass about it..

So, after reading both posts, I started to think, "What do I want to change about this year? What do I want to do differently?".. Then I stopped, and thought about last year. I made two New Year's resolutions, and I didn't fulfill either of them. So does that make me a horrible person? No. It means I did other things, and I had a life to live and things to do. So I started to think about it some more... Maybe these shouldn't be called New Year's resolutions anymore, but rather they should be called "Life Resolutions"... So here is my life:

1. I will run in Shane's race. I didn't get to last year because by the time I got around to asking for this date off from work, everyone had asked off. So it was either run in the race, work at night, and miss my mom's graduation party or work in the morning, miss the race and attend the party. I choose my mom over the race.

2. Graduate. This one is a hard one to grasp. I am now entering the 12th semester of college. Ugh. So long. :/ But here I am. I should have graduated last semester, but due to some miscalculations, I was 6 credit hours short. That's it.. But the silver lining? I can now finish my Women Studies minor, and take classes that will help be better in a potential job.


3. I will gain self confidence. I am not sure how many times I have told people that I am self conscious. It's crazy right?.. Every girl should feel pretty and beautiful and wanted. But all it takes is one stupid person to say something that will stick with her, or myself in this case, to ruin that. So I will stop being so hard on myself, and learn to love who I am and what I have going on with my body.

4. I will start eating better and working out. I never realized how out of shape I was until I started to run. I made it easier on my lungs last year by quitting smoking (one of the best things I have ever done). But even after quitting smoking, it was still a struggle to run and a struggle to work out. So I went out today and bought stuff to snack on, things to drink, and things to make drinks. There really isn't anything stopping me but myself. I also need to remember that not every single day can I watch what I eat; sometimes, a splurge day is needed.

5. I will travel. I have been stuck in PA for FARRRRR too long. My traveling is starting for spring break, when I get to go to the happiest place on earth (Disney) and I get to leave this state for a few days.  But I also want to travel after college lets out and go see different sites. I don't even care where; New Jersey, Virginia, Ohio.. Just get me out of PA! 

6. I will find a job that I love. I recently, and randomly, opened the newspaper the one day and found the perfect job ad staring back at me. I applied, and it would fit my degree and what I want to do PERFECTLY!.. But now the game is a waiting game to see if I get it (stupid holidays putting that on hold). I also need to remember that if I don't get this job, there will be others that come up, and only I can hold myself back from finding a job that I will feel good doing and actually enjoy going to. 


This is a just a random list, and I am sure that as the year goes on, I will add more to it.. But this is my start, this is my project, this is my life. It may not always be perfect, and I know I have jumped over a TON of hurdles to get to where I am, but I will continue to fight. So instead of telling us what to do instead of getting married or what to do while married, why don't you just go out and do those things? Make up your list, don't be upset when you don't finish one. You have your whole life to live, and your whole life to cross off and add more to your list! So get out there and enjoy!