Ticking clocks

As the day comes to a close, as I watch the clock tick on, as the time gets closer and closer to midnight, I can't help but sit here and think of the future of some of those around me. As one can see by previous posts, I have lost a few friends in my life. I lost Matt in a car accident in 2007, Shane in a car accident in 2009, Kyle by suicide in 2011, and Ernie in a car accident in 2012. That's a lot to take in, and it was really hard to know that I had to keep typing before I could end that sentence.

When one loses a friend, a close friend at that, they mourn the loss of that said friend. But what happens after the mourning stage? The thinking stage hits you. And I think that is where I am tonight. Ernie would have been turning 23 tonight at midnight, but he will be celebrating his birthday in heaven with the other guys, and then some, that I have named.



If one were to know Ernie, you would know that he was a son, brother, best friend, band mate, love of life, confidant, and a father. His daughter Allison will be turning 2 very shortly. It's hard to think that he will never get to see her go to kindergarten or high school or college, go to prom, hold her after her first heart break, walk her down the isle, watch her become a mother, or anything at all really. He will only be there in spirit. We won't get to hear his thoughts on any of these subjects. She won't get to ask his advice on any of these topics.

She may be at the "ideal" age, to put it gently, if one were to lose a parent. She's young enough that she may not really remember her dad when she gets older. How does one go about explaining that and sharing the stories with the child?  She may still be at the age that if her mom were to find someone else, he may be able to take the place of the father figure that she will eventually need. But even then, how does one go about this situation?

So many questions come from this topic. How do you tell your son or daughter that their father or mother will no longer be in their lives? Do you let them go about their lives and wait until they start to ask questions before you bring up the topic? Do you let them know at a young age so that it's not a shock when they get older and ask?

All that I can hope for is that Allison will continue to know who her father was; she has a "Daddy and Me" book of pictures of the two of them. I hope that if she has questions she will not be afraid to ask any one of his friends about their relationship, about her dad's and whoever she is taking to relationship, and about her dad in general. I know it may be hard, but I know that I will try to make his legend live on, so that not only will Allison know her father, but those who were in his life will continue to remember how great of a guy he truly was.

Happy Birthday Ryan J. Blow out your candles, and make a wish. <3