So i have been mulling over whether or not I do this post, mostly because I am not sure that I am 100% able to talk about it. But I am about to give it a go! So leggo, boo!
Dating with anxiety is honestly the hardest thing EVER. Don't believe me? I didn't think that you would, unless you can relate.
It is a constant battle of whether or not you are good enough both physically and mentally, and then add your emotions in there, you are SCREWED! It is the hardest thing ever.
One second, we could be making plans to hang out, even if it is that day or for a few days from the date of talking, and then the next second it could be over. Just. Like. That.
If I sense even a tiny, tiny bit of anything but assurance, I am out of there. If I feel for one second you don't want to see me or spend time with me, I will find any excuse that I can to not hang out with you. I don't care if you just told me that you want to see me, tell me again, and then tell me 50 more times until we hang out.
In my mind, I am always thinking the worse. What if I am not tall enough, thin enough, pretty enough, hair not long enough, too talkative, too loud, too quiet, too outgoing, not outgoing enough, don't share enough interests in common,,, SO MANY WHAT IFS!! Those are the things that constantly go through my mind.. Constantly. I don't care if the first thing you say to me is, "My God, how beautiful you look tonight," I will think you are lying.
Sad to say it, but that is how our brains work. And it is a constant struggle to overcome it every single day.
Which brings up my next point: surprises.
While to some girls, they enjoy the thought of a surprise. They like the spontaneity of the whole thing. Surprise a girl with anxiety? Bad choice.
We need to be in control. We need to know where we are going, with who, what time, when we will be back, and what is happening. If we don't? Trouble in the waters ahead, cap'n! Just the other night, I had the guy I am "seeing" tell me he was going to surprise me. I tried to remain calm. I tried to tell myself to just let him do this. It was a sweet gesture, and I needed to enjoy it because he doesn't do that too often--be sweet that is.
Within 10 minutes I had to ask a bunch of questions. I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to know if it was just going to be us, what time, where was I to meet him, should I bring anything? I got one response, but that wasn't good enough for me. I need to know more. The thought of not knowing what is going on, literally drives me insane. It makes my heart race, and I have adrenaline rushing. The worst part is, is that I should be so excited, but I can't wait for the night to be over so that I have some answers and some relief of what could be happening.
Basically, what I am saying, is that it is not easy to live with anxiety. It is not easy to live with our constant thoughts that we literally CANNOT shut off. Trust me, personally, if I could shut them off, I would. I would try to be "normal" for a day, but I don't see that happening. So next time you are dealing with someone who may have anxiety, remember that is just as hard for us to live with it, as it is for you--for us it is harder though. Deep breath and realize that we can't help it.
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